Jorge’s letter to his newborn self
One of the biggest blessings of being part of the Embrace Ministry team is that whenever we facilitate a retreat, we also engage fully as participants ourselves.
The truth is that when we come into the meeting room, we don’t come as “specialists” in spirituality, but as ordinary people trying to follow Jesus in our daily lives. Each of us is very much “a work in progress”, with our own stories, wounds, and struggles. Evil has hunted us every day of our lives, and so we too bear the scars of those attacks and the lies we’ve believed. We need God’s fresh touch as much as everyone else.
Photo credit: Lexi Durham
Since our aim during Embrace retreats is for God to transform us and not simply to receive information, we spend a big chunk of our retreat time experiencing God through spiritual exercises which are connected with our four crucial practices.
One of these exercises is called “sacred writing”, in which we ask participants to write either a psalm addressing their souls (modeled after Psalm 42-43), or a letter of apology to one of the parts of ourselves we've been alienated from.
During our last retreat, I felt the invitation from the Holy Spirit to write a letter of apology to my newborn self. I wrote the following as if I were visiting myself as a baby in the neonatal incubator in that hospital in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil in July 1979. This letter is particularly powerful to me, since I’ve struggled with believing the lie of being “weak” from the very beginning. As you read, I invite you to imagine how helpful these words would have been to hear back then, and to consider how redemptive they are for me to write even now:
Baby Jorge
Hey little one, how is it going there in the hospital? I imagine it has not been easy. You were in a comfortable place inside the womb, and now suddenly you’re exposed in that cold, hard bed.
I want to tell you that a great life is waiting for you. You will grow strong, make a lot of friends, learn new languages, and will fall in love with a beautiful woman (who, by the way, is one year old right now and lives far away in Recife, Brazil).
God has such a special calling for you! Your life really matters. You will visit many countries sent by Him. You will be tested and exposed to the work of darkness, but don't worry! You will choose light, because you are chosen in Christ.
You will have two wonderful kids, and guess what? You will be present when they are born. You will see them coming into this world.
You are the only child now, but you will also have a brother. He will be quite different from you, and many people will think he is more handsome. But it’s OK, you are awesome.
I need to say that your father is a little disappointed that you are a boy. He is not even going to give you a name because he has already given you a girl's one. But be patient with your dad. He did not have an easy childhood. There is going to be a time in your life when he is going to be proud of you - just wait!
But I also need to say one very important thing to you, buddy: you are strong! You will hear that you are not, especially because you are here in this incubator. The truth is that the umbilical cord was wrapped around your neck, which caused you to lose weight. You have an enemy who’s been trying to kill you. But realize that the special way God has made you is revealing that your life will truly matter. So, pay attention to what I am going to tell you: You are a survivor! You fought for your life even in your mom’s womb. Don't believe in the lies of the evil one, trying to convince you that you are weak. It's exactly the opposite: you are strong!
I leave you, little one, with this verse: “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go” (Joshua 1:9).
Photo credit: Don Reynard
How does my letter to my newborn self impact you? Does it remind you of lies you have believed about yourself from a very young age? What words do you wish that you would have heard when you were young? How might God be inviting you to speak truth to your younger self? I encourage you to pick up your journal and a pen, and see how God leads you. Don’t be hesitant. It can be truly healing, as I found for myself.
Written by: Jorge Carvalho