A dream birthday gift
If you were to give yourself a birthday gift, what would it be?
Photo credit: Ekaterina Shevchenko (Unsplash)
So many possibilities quickly spring to mind: a new phone, a fun trip, a nice outfit, or perhaps a day at the spa. For my 47th birthday, however, I chose something unexpected: a five-day silent prayer retreat!
I had been dreaming of a retreat like this for some time. My soul longed for a pause—surrounded by nature in the company of my Creator—during which I could experience solitude, silence, and stillness (blessings I’ve come to value immensely in my spiritual life).
Does this sound crazy? Why desire something like this? Why invest in a gift that might feel more like a punishment? How could one spend five days in silence, without speaking to anyone? Believe it or not, it was like paradise for me—a gift, a blessing, a dream come true.
The chosen location was an Ignatian retreat center near Braga, in northern Portugal. Dating back to the late 18th century—originally the “Casa do Visconde da Torre” (House of the Viscount of Torre) before being donated to the Jesuits—the site boasts a vast estate that embodies a unique blend of nature, agriculture, and Christian spirituality.
Photo credit: Jorge Carvalho
I believe the program for those five days was guided by the Holy Spirit Himself, who used the Bible, contemplation, meditation, and some spiritual exercises to bring me closer to the heart of Abba Father. I have learned that resting does not necessarily mean doing nothing, but doing what energizes us. I have also learned that the practice of spiritual exercises or disciplines is what leads us to cooperate with God in the process of our transformation. In the words of Dallas Willard:
"Disciplines are activities of mind and body performed purposefully to bring our personality and whole being into effective cooperation with the divine order. They enable us to live more and more in a power that is, strictly speaking, beyond us, being derived from the spiritual realm itself as we offer ourselves to God as one who has returned from death to life and offer our members to him as instruments of righteousness."
What wonderful days those were! It's amazing that whenever we stop to focus all our attention on God, we find He is already there, ready for the encounter, eager to touch, speak to, and guide us. Devotion starts with attention. The God who met our first parents in the cool of the day remains the same and still has the same deep desire to commune with His sons and daughters. He aims to share His heart, His desires, and His purposes with us. As in the parable of the prodigal son, I felt that the Father was already waiting for me, looking down the path expectantly, ready to embrace me and invite me to the party that He Himself prepared to celebrate my return. Yes, my return, because whenever we spend enough time with God, the moment marks a return, the resurrection of some dead area of our life – a renewal of our commitment and a new beginning.
Photo of Rembrandt’s “The Return of the Prodigal Son”
How did I experience the party? The celebration took place through moments of contemplation, confession, and being reminded of old promises that were forgotten, buried in the soil of my heart. I received new promises and gained hope to live out a future in which the Everlasting Father has all control, and I am followed all the days of my life by His goodness and love.
The party was shared by other people too, brothers and sisters who were at the center with the same purpose. The fact that we didn't talk to each other gave me a feeling of belonging that went beyond words. It was as if we were all at the table with the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, completely absorbed by the presence of God in our midst. We were so attentive to the presence of our Triune God, so focused on the gaze of Father, Son, and Spirit, so surrendered in worship, that we were speechless. There are times when words are not enough to express what is in our hearts.
From so many experiences that week, I’d like to highlight the three main works of the Holy Spirit in me: affirmation, integration, and confirmation.
I clearly remember the moment I was sitting in deep contemplation for almost an hour with the blue sky and white clouds above and a large vineyard in front of me. In that place of stillness in my soul, I could hear the Lord's words breaking the inner silence: “I was the one who gave you your name”. Wow! I couldn't believe it! This had always been an unresolved issue in my story and in my heart. My name had been given to me by my grandmother, who was a devotee of Saint George. I never liked it, especially once I discovered that there is little historical evidence confirming the legends and myths which developed over time about him. However, on this beautiful, sunny, summer afternoon in the north of Portugal, I received from the Father an affirmation of my identity: “Your name was given by your Father; I named you and chose to call you that because of the meaning of this name: ‘farmer, the one who works the land.’”
Photo credit: Jorge Carvalho
Yes indeed, my name was given by my Abba, who created me for the purpose of being a sower of His holy seed, spreading life in the soil of people’s hearts throughout the nations. This changed everything! At 47 years of age, I finally made peace with my name and the reason I was called Jorge. Now when I hear my name, I no longer look with frustration at a legendary or idolatrous past, but at the present and the future: a worker in the Master's field, chosen, empowered, and appointed by God himself to fulfill His sublime calling among the nations. What a gift!
I already mentioned that, despite being alone, I was surrounded by people at the retreat center. Something that really impressed me was the fact that most of them were from a different Christian tradition than mine. Truthfully, if this retreat had taken place ten years ago, I never would have chosen this location, because my view of God and the gospel was narrower, and I was not accepting of expressions of faith different than my own. However, God chose that place to show me the greatness of His love and the infiniteness of His mercy. I didn't need to change what I think or believe to connect with God or with them. The religious elements around me were not an obstacle. Instead, by accepting them with respect and reverence, I encountered the Lord in the depths of my being through the beauty of the art and nature which surrounded us. I experienced integration by feeling connected by the cross of Christ to His worldwide church – the beautiful and pure bride of the Lamb, who does not distinguish between cultures, languages, or expressions of His multiform grace.
Photo credit: Jorge Carvalho
This fresh integration led to the confirmation of a God-given dream that other workers, regardless of their background, would also have the opportunity to experience time away from their day-to-day ministry to immerse themselves in the loving embrace of Father, Son, and Spirit. We all need times of quiet to hear the whispers of the God of Elijah who assures us of His presence in the midst of our despair and even depression.
Jesus continues to invite His followers in this generation as He did His disciples in Mark 6:31: “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.” Jesus keeps inviting us to come away with Him. He wants us to take time away from the demands of those we serve to find rest in a quiet place. Solitude, silence, and stillness are also part of our ministry, part of following Jesus. There is a time for producing, and there is a time for resting in Him. It is amazing to experience Jesus when we are still in His presence and in the comfort of His arms, laying our heads on His chest as John did, just delighting in His company. There we will find that He is enough for us, as expressed in Teresa of Ávila’s beautiful prayer, “God alone is enough”:
Let nothing disturb you,
Let nothing frighten you,
All things are passing away:
God never changes.
Patience obtains all things.
Whoever has God lacks nothing;
God alone is enough.
Written by: Jorge Carvalho